Cheat Or No Cheat?

Dear Agony Aunt,

“I recently signed up to a massage and spa session with work as I had been feeling completely worn out from my busy schedule. After my amazing full body massage, the masseuse then directed her hands towards my penis and finished my massage off with a happy ending.  I wasn’t too sure how I felt about this because it did seem sexual. However, when I asked her and also the other guys who had massages about it they responded by saying that my penis is a part of my body and should be included in a full body massage and I should not feel bad about it.”

“My girlfriend, on the other hand, was absolutely furious! She found text messages on my phone from my work colleague and I talking about the massage and she went crazy. She started throwing out all of my things, screaming and crying and calling her mum to come to pick her up. How could an innocent massage turn so wrong? She called me a cheat and told all of our mutual friends that I had cheated on her with a prostitute.”

“I did feel bad to see her so hurt but I did not think that I had particularly cheated on her as such. Is getting a happy ending massage really cheating? Am I in the wrong?”
Thanks,

Phil.

Dear Phil,

“My answer to your question, is a happy ending massage really cheating? is yes, and no. I have covered cheating a few times on here and cheating means many different things to many different people. Some couples are a lot more open in their relationships and can accept a kiss here and there with another, while others aren’t even allowed to breath in the same proximity as the opposite sex. I think ultimately the answer is that it depends on what you were hoping to seek from the massage, and if you feel bad about it then you probably are guilty. However, that is not me saying that happy ending massages should be avoided – because they are great.”

“I had a man previously ask me if a full-service massage was cheating and to me, I think it is. Therefore I suggested that perhaps he got a happy ending massage instead as you can detach the intimacy from it and they are also a lot more forgivable than full-on sexual intercourse. You must understand why your partner would feel upset and confused as to why you would go to another woman for sexual gratification, even if it wasn’t like that for you or an accident. If you truly love her you will feel awful about this but if you do not feel so bad about it and actually enjoyed it quite a bit then maybe you were not meant to be in that relationship anyway.”

“I definitely believe that getting a full service massage is 100%, straight up cheating. You are participating in the act of sex with another person which is a very intimate thing to do as you are also pleasuring them. When you enter a relationship, you enter an unspoken bond of commitment to that person and that person only.  Getting your body rubbed up and down my a naked masseuse, while she rubs her hands up ad down your penis and uses her mouth to suck it – yes that is cheating.”

“However – A happy ending massage as part of your full body massage is a lot more justifiable. At the end of the day, your penis is just another part of your body and why should it be left out when it is meant to be a full-body massage? If you and your partner both have this mind-set then go ahead and get one. Massages are soothing and relaxing and they help you release a lot of stress and tension that has been built up due to pressures we all face in everyday life.”

“The main thing to remember is that it is extremely crucial to understand the difference in actively or deliberately seeking a massage that ends in sexual gratification, and accidentally experiencing one. A couple’s counsellor in London whom I have met at many conventions said some people might have an unexpected experience with a happy ending, and then not know how to tell their partner, so they decide to lie about it. That sets up problems in the relationship about being authentic and open about your sexuality. If you have to hide a part of your sexuality out of fear, shame, or embarrassment, then there are bigger problems in the relationship that need to be addressed.”

“Ultimately Phil, I think that in any relationship it is crucial to have these type of conversations with your partner to avoid any confusion or hurt. Once things are out in the open you can be happy knowing the boundaries of what you can and cannot do. On a scale of what is acceptable, I personally believe that a happy ending massage which is fuelled by sexual gratification but merely an experience to pleasure and relieves the mind, body and soul is acceptable. A full service massage London or choosing to get a happy ending massage regularly rather than being intimate with your partner – is cheating.”

“I hope this helps!”

Agony Aunt