Dear Agony Aunt, “I recently signed up to a massage and spa session with work…
Now I was chatting to a bunch of friends the other day – male friends like. We were talking about erotic massages – our experience of them anyway and it surprised me that out of the 6 of us only two had experienced getting an erotic massage in the UK. This led me to wonder why this was – for me, I have had massages all over the world. Due to the line of work I am in I have been fortunate enough to travel all over but with this insight, I strongly believe that out of all the places to get a massage the UK is the best. Why? Well simply because like anything, getting a massage in your home is a much safer and less confusing affair. For instance, getting a massage abroad can mean handling different currencies. Often I have found that parlours try and trick the foreigner into parting ways with more money than necessary. Not only this but often when you’re getting a massage in a foreign country communication is difficult – with this I have found it difficult to understand which massage styles were available and often found myself going in hoping it would be something up my street.
Why is going to a full service massage parlour abroad never as good as going to one at home?
In the UK – you don’t get this problem. With the parlour, I frequently go to in Marylebone I have the pleasure of being able to discuss not only the array of massage styles available but I can enquire about what exactly they entail and request specific price codes for countless extras. This means you can get a tailored massage that is perfectly suited to you. Regarding prices, getting a massage in the UK also comes with the luxury of knowing and understanding the currency meaning that I can never get ripped off as I am fully aware of how much a particular massage service should cost.
I explained this to my group of friends and they were enthralled at the possibility. That’s when it hit me; I realised that until I had brought it up, some of these guys had never even thought of getting a massage in their own country. And why is that? I thought – is it because we feel free when we are on holiday? The freedom of being abroad, a bit of sun perhaps, time away from the pull and grind of real life, an adventure? It could possibly be all of these things but this still doesn’t answer why they don’t get massages at home. Unless of course at home, they do not feel free and they do not want adventure – a suggestion that they all refutably disagreed with. At this point, I’d made up my mind…
My full service massage experiment…
I am not a poor man, to be honest with you I have been particularly fortunate in my career and with the luxury of this wealth I was able to conduct a little experiment. I offered each of my friends the opportunity to get a massage in the UK on me – providing that they gave feedback, comparing it with their experience(s) abroad. 3 of my friends were willing and I called the experiment ‘Exotic adventures: Home or Away?’ Scroll down to see the results, I told them all not to hold back so prepare for some truly insightful accounts of what it is like to get an erotic massage in London town.. (You’re welcome.)
Isaac, 29, Belfast
“When the idea was first proposed to me I wasn’t about to shut it down however in the days coming up to the actual day of my massage I did feel a little strange. I suppose to me there was something holding me back from getting a massage at home. I suppose when I’m abroad I feel like a complete nomad and whatever I get up to is spontaneous and an adventure. Getting the same tube ride I take every-day on the way to the parlour felt icky- I felt like I was doing something bad. I nearly pulled out but I’d made a promise and I was curious so I went through with it. And? Well, I’m sure glad I did. You were totally right. It was so much better being able to communicate with the receptionist; this was the first massage experience I have wherein I could ask about all the different styles – from Nuru to lingam to four hands. It was fascinating. It was also really good to be able to establish how far I could go with the massage. I was given the choice of a happy ending or full service – full service includes sex and oral so I went for that one. The masseuse was gorgeous, of real quality. She was warm and professional and really knew her stuff. I left feeling much more relaxed and a lot happier too. I booked myself in for a months’ time- if that isn’t proof of how good it was I don’t know what is!”
Jack, 33, Surrey.
“I’ve had good massages abroad so I didn’t really see there’d be much difference getting a massage in the UK. Saying that I was a bit ignorant to think you couldn’t get an ‘exotic’ massage in London. Lemme tell you-you certainly can. In fact, I’d say I had the most exotic, sensual, feisty massage I’ve ever had in London. Man, what a treat.”
Ashton, 28, Peckham.
“Yes, Yes and Yes again. I got my first erotic massage in Thailand when I was 17 – to be honest with you the experience wasn’t so good. I was pushed into it with friends and I couldn’t understand what anyone in the parlour was saying. I got pushed into a room and had to part with way more cash than I could afford. I left embarrassed and a little shaken – I’ve never been near a full service Massage session since. So as you can imagine I was a little nervous. That being said, my nerves were completely calmed when I entered the full service massage parlor in London. All the women were welcoming and kind. They spoke English and slowly took me through each of the services on offer. I was then led to a nice private room and spent a delectable hour with a beautiful woman. What an excellent way to spend a Wednesday afternoon! I didn’t even know you could get full service massage in the UK! Now I know I will certainly be visiting again. 10/10.”